The challenges of the older mama

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We are in the last stretches of homeschooling high school around here. Zteen will finish up by this summer, and start college (at the local junior college) in the fall. We have taken an extra year to finish up homeschooling--had we stayed on track better, he would have been off at college this year.

I try to keep in mind that when I was his age, my parents had dropped me off at college, and were no longer aware of my daily doings. I know things are bound to be different when the student lives at home, but I keep deep breathing and trying to give him the freedom that he so earnestly wants--and to be frank, deserves by his generally responsible behavior. Zteen is a good kid.

But it doesn't make it easy. This past Saturday, he wanted to "just get in [his] car and drive. See where the road takes me." I could think of no good reason for him not to do this. Well, no reason other than Do you know how nervous this makes your mother? and that doesn't seem, even to me, to be a good enough reason to say no. I mean, come on, he's 18. He's an Eagle Scout. He's a good driver. He's a responsible boy.

But he's my baby. All 6 feet, 200 pounds of him.

It's not easy.

I still remember how exciting it was to be "on my own." To make my own decisions. I'm glad he wants that for himself. And I want it for him.

But it is so HARD, so darn hard, to let go.

I know the Smock and SpecialK probably read this and think--Hoo boy! Get me to that magic time when they don't want me 24/7. And I was there, too.

But snuggle down, enjoy it. Too soon you'll be waving from the front door watching them drive away. And your heart will ache.


I feel your pain. Motherhood is bitter-sweet at times, isn't it?

I miss my big boys. But I am happy they are well and happy and that I am here to witness their growing up.


i know it's only a glimpse, but it still hurts my heart to see them drive away with honi (grandmother) for a sleepover...and it hurts even worse when they say, "i'm not ready to come home. i wanna stay with honi." gulp.

I'm getting closer and closer to that last surge of independence with my 14- and 16-year-olds. Bitter-sweet is the best description.

my baby is now 16. She has had her driver's license for all of 2 weeks. When she leaves I will have an empty nest.
I was watching the moms with babies in church sunday (from my vantage in the choir loft) and I so ached to be there again.
I hear what you are saying and I want to cry too!

That is the quality that will make us the best, most doting grandmothers ever, Alicia! :-)



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This page contains a single entry by MamaT published on February 7, 2005 7:59 AM.

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