like a very good girl, i attended my weekly weight watchers meeting with mamaT just yesterday. i lost .2 pounds last week -- whoopie, right? hey, at least i was headed in the right direction. and, we had an awesome session where we learned the importance of avoiding HALT: hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness. all four of these being triggers for addiction, including food addiction. i thought, well now, if i watch out for the triggers, i can beat this hefty monkey on my back. really, it was a terrific meeting. i was so inspired that i even went home and drank eight -- yes, e-i-g-h-t -- glasses of icky ol' h2o. i was feelin gooood.
so then, how is it that i found myself at the olive garden this afternoon elbow-deep in oven-baked smoked mozzarella, provolone, parmesan and romano cheeses, served up all yummy-gooey on warm peppered tuscan bread? i mean, i wasn't particularly ravenous, i was keeping delightful company, and i wasn't angry in the slightest. heck, i wasn't even chagrined. so, what's up with my need to inhale all of that delish?
they say they're like family over at the olive garden -- and yes, i am aware that the place is called "olive garden" not "the olive garden" but i'm suthren, so bear with me, okay? anyway, they pride themselves on being like family. "when you're here, you're family" being their big ol' motto and all. i say, okay, so you're like family. just like aunt mildred who always insists that even though you've made three trips to the buffet table, you still have room for a helping of her famous pecan pie. i mean, c'mon. it's a helping. who can pass up a helping? and don't forget the whipped cream. oh! and a scoop of vanilla ice cream to cut the sweet. she simply would not take no for an answer.
well, josh-- that would be our waiter - must have been channeling aunt mildred today.
because there i was, slumped back in my chair with my belly all puffy, feeling like a big ol' tick with a lopsided grin (which i am quite sure resembled a hazy heroin addict's grin) all over my face when josh insists we try the pumpkin cheesecake. we had to try it because it's a seasonal item. that means "it won't be here for long and you just simply cannot miss it." well, I couldn't hurt ol' aunt mildred's feelings now could i? so i split a slice with my partner in crime (another weight watcher who shall remain nameless). i absolutely and positively relished every succulent bite of my creamy melt-in-your-mouth slightly spicy pumpkin cheesecake topped with fluffy whipped cream, caramel sauce and the most delightful little ginger cookie crumbles. it was practically a religious experience.
now, i'm not sure why i'm writing all of this apart from the fact that they say confession is good for the soul. that said, here's my theory: heaven is a big ol' buffet. seriously. i do not think that it is by accident that GOD has chosen to offer Himself to us by way of food and drink in the Mass. at a dinner table no less. and, food is such a delight. food brings people utter joy. i know it makes me downright happy. happy, happy, happy. want to test my theory? ask yourself what's your favorite flavor of girl scout cookies. a-ha! see what just happened? you started thinking about all of those delicious flavors. thin mints ... caramel delites ... cinna-spins ... i know. drool. it's okay. i'm not passing judgment.
speaking of judgment, what about hell? is it perpetual drought and famine? starvation without death? that thought is seriously scary. and the complete antithesis of a buffet. but whatever it looks like, i can guarantee you there will be no doughnuts in hell. of course, moderation is good. but i cannot shake the feeling that it is not unlike purgatory. can i live purgatory now? i guess i'd better learn. as smockdaddy always says, learn it now or learn it later. mmm, now and laters. ack! stop it. so, i bet that's it. purgatory is like a perpetual single-serving. of all things green. with only one cheese -- slimy ol' ricotta cheese. shiver.