......one square inch at a time.
Things have been wonky here at CasaS, ever since Pappaw died in April. Having hit the three month mark since his death, I looked around to find that my house was out of control.
And not just the house. Everything. And yes, I realize it's part of the grief issue.
But isn't it kind of a chicken and egg sort of thing? I can't wait to subdue my surroundings until I feel like it. Because my surroundings being in such a wreck then depresses me even more. So I feel less like doing anything about it. So they get worse.
Conversely, orderly surroundings make me feel better, so that even when I'm still sad, I at least don't add stubbed toes and lost bills to my list of things to be sad about.
I see now how people end up living in squalor. If I lived alone, or just with my dogs? The temptation would be great to simply sit on the couch until I was surrounded by a pile of newspapers, magazines, books and fast food containers until i was crushed underneath the weight.
OK, so maybe I'd not be quite THAT bad. But I can see it from here. Know what I mean?
And maybe that's one tiny reason why I'm supposed to live in community. So that there is someone else besides me to keep up for and with.
And our budget has been hammered lately because, along with not feeling like cleaning, I haven't felt like cooking, either. That simply had to change.
A few weeks ago, I picked a couple of tasks to do every day (a la the Flylady) and started there. Easy things. Like make bed. Like load dishwasher. And I've done them, even when I didn't feel like it.
And it made me feel better. So I added a couple of little things. Here and there. Not much.
And I felt better.
Last week I sat down and did a meal plan through the end of August. I went through my personal cookbook and picked out my favorites. And printed out a calendar (yes, maybe I'm a little nuts, but still) and logged the meals through the end of next month. Whew.
But now I don't have to think about it (except on grocery day) and the decisions are made. And if I can't get to it, the other people in this house can look at the schedule and start without me. So even on swim team nights there is gonna be a meal on the table.
And that makes me feel A LOT better. Physically and mentally.
And this week McKid and I did the "impossible". We cleaned out the playroom! You can move in there. I can sit on the loveseat in there and crochet! She can do art at her table!
And so I am starting to see light at the end of this house tunnel. It's helping me to bring back order and cleanliness. What is happening on the outside is influencing the inside. And that's helpful.
So, today I work on the bookshelves (dusty!) and the rest of the living room. I make a grocery list for tomorrow. And I think about what will be the next thing to tackle tomorrow(probably floors--yuck!).
And slowly, ever so slowly, inch by inch, I reclaim my house.