Yesterday.....

......was the one year anniversary of my mom's death.

I'm still not used to it.

Perhaps I never will be. Scratch the "perhaps". I know I will never be used to it.

It doesn't hurt as much as it did. But it hurts more than I expected at this point. I think part of that is adding my dad's death on top of it. We were brave and got through "the first Thanksgiving" and "the first Christmas". We even did the first set of our birthdays (Zman, PapaC and mine) without Mom.

Now we are faced with having to do "the firsts" all over again, but this time without either of them. That really weighs on me.

I'm not walking around in tears or anything. I even made it through listening to the Prayers of the People with my mom's name in it without crying (unusual for me, since I cry over every single other thing). There are happy things in life, and I'm not holed up on the couch watching cheerleader movies and eating microwave popcorn.

But I still miss her.

A lot.