I continue to work on Cold, Flat Junction by Martha Grimes. This is one of those books that is taking me FOREVER to read, and not because I do not enjoy it. Have you ever had a book like that? I am normally a fairly speedy reader--not like those Speed Reader types who swirl their hands down the page and flip it over. But fast enough to get through an average of more than a book a week.
But lately? Not so much. For one thing I am crocheting a lot, which impinges on my reading time. I know--books on CD would be excellent, but I don't have any at the moment.
For another thing? This book is taking forever. Did I already say that? I read for 45 minutes last night--still not even 1/2 way done! And book club is Friday night! Guess what I'm going to do this afternoon for a few hours. Got it in one! Read a bit.
On the other hand, I'm also reading through Fr. Robert Spitzer's book Five Pillars of the Spiritual Life: A Practical Guide to Prayer for Active People. It's good. I'd recommend it. One of the things that has really been hitting home for me was his discussion of spiritual consolations and desolations, and how we can tell what spirit is at work in us--the Holy Spirit (leading to long term joy, consolation, etc.) or the deceiver. And one of the ways the deceiver may try to work on us is by taking something that we are doing that is good and tempting us to exaggerate it or make it so over the top that it becomes impossible to accomplish. We may feel led to certain pious and very good practices. But if we find ourselves trying to do too much or accomplish things quickly, it may be that we are being led by the evil one to a place of discouragement and despair. When we find seemingly good things leading to long term bad things, we have probably mistaken what the Holy Spirit would have had us do.
That is something that seems to have occurred routinely in my life--and I've never had it pointed out in such a factual way before. While my spiritual directors have all asked for small steps, I have assumed that large ones would be "better". And they weren't . They ended up being no steps at all. It surely would have been better to be where I would have been had I taken the umpteen little steps that seemed "too easy" at the time.
And it has resonated with me in dealing with myself more gently with the recovery from grief over the loss of my parents. A year later--a WHOLE YEAR--and I feel that I am just now starting to move somewhere on the road. But a lot of that was because I was busy trying to be BETTER than I was then. I'd have been further along this path had I been kinder to myself then.
One good thing, though. It's never too late for a restart and a do-over. isn't God good about that?
Yes, he is.
Ya'll have a beautiful Wednesday. I'm off to try to read some more of than darn book club book. I'll see you tomorrow!
