smockmomma: August 2005 Archives

[there are obviously very sincere catholic journalists out there. i'm referring to the very vocal ones that are obvious dissenters who claim to be the oxymoronic "moderate" or "progressive" catholics but who are in truth nothing more exiting than your everyday run-of-the-mill heretics.]

one has to be a true moron not to see that the Catholic Church is persecuted by the mainstream media. the irony of course is that so many mainstream journalists claim to be catholic. i sometimes wonder whether or not they embrace the title of the very church they so rabidly persecute just for cheap shock value. at least it seems twisted and, oh let's just be honest, perverse; but at worst, it's scandalous. truly scandalous.

and lots of it. nuthin' but noise in a house with six kids. i look forward to quiet and try hard not to envy it.

it dawned on me this morning that there are lots of working moms out there who would give their eyeteeth to be able to stay home in bed with their babies all day. but i tell you, when the bills, dishes, laundry and the to-do list all pile up around you while you're confined to the bed with your babies all day because as soon as one is asleep the other wakes or as soon as both are asleep your two year old leaps onto the bed, somersaults, and yells TADA!, waking both babies so that it's back to the breast time, it can rouse a very heavy sigh.

but here is the latest pic of the smocktwins.

than warm baby head smell. moms, you know what i mean. dads, you might as well. but according to studies done in england, 8 out of 10 moms, while blindfolded, can identify their own baby by just smelling the tops of their heads while only 3 dads can do the same.

The 90-year-old founder of the French-based Taize Christian ecumenical community has been stabbed to death at a prayer service...The public prosecutor in nearby Macon, Jean-Louis Cost, said there seemed little doubt that the attack was premeditated. He said the woman had bought a knife the day before and "the intention to kill was obvious".

it's funny but whenever we have a new baby in the house i typically place myself on what i call "house arrest" for the first few months. not only is it important to the bonding process twixt mommy, family and babes, it's practical because it's a real challenge to get all the wee ones ready for outings. but for some reason, this time around things are a little different. i'm feeling a disconnect from the outside world, even friends, and it's not all that pleasant. of course, sacrifice never is.

i want to chalk it up to feeling a tad overwhelmed and most certainly sleep deprived, but i'm not sure that it's that simple. maybe having twins makes the difference? i don't know. but for the first time ever, i'm feeling really disconnected. disconnected, not withdrawn. therein lies the rub, as they say. in the past (if memory serves) it's always been a deliberate withdrawal to enjoy the babes, learn a new routine. but now, now it's different, almost funky. don't get me wrong, i wouldn't change a thing about every precious moment spent with the wee ones (except perhaps the three AM feeding), but now i'm learning the true meaning of the phrase "there just aren't enough hours in the day."

i guess i've been spoiled in the past because things seemed easier to prioritize and manage -- or! perhaps i just remember them that way. maybe i've forgotten the struggle like we "forget" the pains of birth. maybe i've been down this road before but time has blurred the map. i know i do more than i should on some days, but not enough on others. where is the balance? how to make time for duties, family and friends so that i don't feel so disconnected is the challenge. and no matter how well i prioritize, there will always be dirty laundry and dishes. fie! damnable chores!

it's my mother's fault. no, not really but who else gets the blame? it's going to be one mother or another, don't you know. actually my mother does see things in, well i don't know what you'd call it but it conjures up hefty feelings of guilt. for example, if i'm taking care of one baby the other is being deprived. if i'm loving on one child, another is being ignored. change this one's diaper, the other somehow suffers. sorry, i just don't think that way. then again, here lately, her voice in the back of my head keeps gnawing, "what about them? him? her? fill-in-the-blank?" if i'm writing this blog, someone somewhere is being ignored. if i take a shower, it's inevitable that someone needs me to get gum out of her hair. if i lock myself in the bathroom to talk to friend, someone needs me to get a sandwich out of the VCR or to look up the twin's social security numbers. oh, let's face it, being a wife and mother means that someone somewhere is always going to need something from you. that's why it's a vocation, not a vacation. at least, that's what i keep telling myself. along with my latest mantra, this too shall pass.

why am i afraid to sit down and read a few blogs, call a friend, sit down and watch the amazing race? why is it that any little thing i do outside of duty ends up being a declaration? i will call her today if it's the last thing i do! i am going to sit down and read ten pages of this book! i will take this nasty toenail polish off this week!

i guess the bottom line is that i just want to be able to shave my legs without feeling guilty.

totally coolmoe, huh? apparently august 1-7 is world breastfeeding week, and why not, heaven knows nursing mothers need to be celebrated.

for those who asked, here is a link to the "Nurse-Ez Twin Nursing Pillow" i'm using to nurse the twins. remember, a friend bought it for me when i had gabby because it is so much more comfy than regular nursing pillows. now that we have twins, it really comes in handy, but i recommend it for moms of single babes.

by the way, feel free to browse the lactation connection site. i met the owner, tanya, ten years ago and think she's a pretty neat lady. she's also local business, which it's important to support.