the udderbelly of breastfeeding

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a not-altogether-too-uncommon colloquy in the SmockMaison.

hub: (switching off the alarm clock) s'time t'getup. you gettin' the kids breakfast?
smockmomma: (lovingly nuzzles the brow of the babe cradled to her breast) i cannot at this moment for i am feeding our baby.

smockmomma: (shocked) oh my! the dogs are eating the dirt off your shoes.
hub: (muses over his shoulder) why don't you feed the dogs?
smockmomma: (lovingly staring down at the babe cradled in her arms) i fear i simply cannot for i am feeding our precious baby.

hub: (inquires absently) are you hungry yet?
smockmomma: (answers thoughtfully) hmm... i think i am.
hub: whater y'cookin? HA!
smockmomma: (smiles sweetly) i would love to be able to cook something tasty and wholesome for you at present, my dearest darling. alas, (kissing the forehead of the babe cradled in her arms) i cannot for i am feeding my baby.

hub: (sniffs) what's fer dinner?
smockmomma: (patiently) dinner will be ready shortly, darling.
hub: (scratches) lemme guess. you can't cook cuz yer feedin' the baby.
smockmomma: (knits her brow, puzzled) whatever do you mean, dearest lover?
hub: (snorts) i swear i'd grow a breast if it got me outta doin half the stuff you use it to get outta. (mimicks) i can't do this, i'm feeding the baby. i simply can't do that, i'm breastfeeding.
smockmomma: oh?
hub: YES! i wanna lay around all day wrapped in a fleece blanket like a burrito feeding the baby.
smockmomma: all day?
hub: yes.
smockmomma: i see.
hub: damn straight you see.
smockmomma: uh-huh.
hub: that's more like it. (snaps the paper for emphasis and sets it aside)
smockmomma: (nods emphatically)
hub: (clearing his throat) now. what do you want me to make for dinner?


Loved it, Micki, loved it. What was he scratching by the way?

cooking and cleaning can wait for tomorrow
children grow up. as I've learned to my sorrow
So go away cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm nursing my baby, and babies don't keep
(From ode to a 5th child - I can't remember the author!)

A friend of mine is now pregnant. A group of us were cleaning up after an event: she made a move toward a box full of books.

We not only urged her never, never to lift anything while pregnant--OR WHILE NURSING!--because it could "hurt the baby," but also exhorted her to prop up her feet on an ottoman at every opportunity.

Another friend nodded wisely: "And stay away from all household cleaners: the toxic fumes could 'hurt the baby.'!

"And while nursing, too! Who knows what chemicals can leach into a mother's breast milk?"

my fine mr. luse, you're teasing. you know the answer. any man, worth his weight, has perfected that scratch by the time his marriage is settled into -- haven't you ever heard of the seven year itch?

alicia, that is beautiful; but kathy! i've been pregnant and/or nursing for EIGHT years now -- this maison would have fallen apart a heckuva long time ago! can you just imagine? yikes!

Bwaaa Haaaa Haaaa Haaaaa!

Knowing the Smockhub, I can just see this playing out. ESPECIALLY the burrito comment!

Made my day!

Yes, I CAN imagine!


Never fear--soon the older kids will be able to shoulder the burden of household toxins, leaving you undisturbed in your tender burrito heaven!

Oh, this is off-topic and killjoyish, but I just want to mention that propping one's feet up during pregnancy can lead to malpositions and problems getting the baby out, at least during the later months. (I'd rather keep my feet on the floor and not have a c-section!)

Regarding D's m's comment: Husbands can safely prop their feet up during their wife's pregnancy. In this way the husband can feel he is contributing, by allowing his wife to vicariously do things that she can't.

However, pregnant women shouldn't change the kitty litter for reasons of chemicals, so this works to his disadvantage also.

"hub: YES! i wanna lay around all day wrapped in a fleece blanket like a burrito feeding the baby."

Tell him great! All you have to do is endure 9 months of pregnancy, hours of labor and delivery and you TOO can get this just reward!! : )

Y'know, I read this post, and it's very funny!

And then I started to read the one below it:
"I DO go great with french fries"




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This page contains a single entry by smockmomma published on February 3, 2004 11:27 AM.

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