smockmomma: March 2006 Archives

can lay people make the wafer that will be consecrated by a priest or are there certain places we are required to get them from?

the non sequitur smock5

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1. if you had to choose one food to eat at every meal for a month, what would it be?

2. what's under your bed?

3. is your motto closer to "believe in yourself and you can do unbelievable things" or "believe in yourself cuz, honey, no one else will."

4. what is your response if you receive poor service at a restaurant?

5. how long should you know a person before you can tell them they have a boogie in their nose?

"bacon tastes good. pork chops taste goood." ~ john travolta as vincent vega, pulp fiction

some of my very best friends are crunchy, but i have a bone to pick with those vegan-types who think it's okay to eat meatless meat. what is up with that? perusing the frozen food section of my local grocer tonight, what should i stumble upon but a whole section devoted to vegan frozen food -- and i use the term "food" very lightly.

did you know that there is actually more than one brand devoted to this stuff? and they make all sorts of simulated meats. one example: breakfast sausage links. hello? do vegivores actually admit to eating sausage for breakfast? i mean, what’s the point? well, i don’t eat meat products, so i refused the scrambled eggs, but i had a damn tasty sausage link! mmmm-mmmm.

isn’t eating a vegetarian bar-b-q burger just a little disingenuous or is it me? is it the fact that the “ham” is dropped that makes it okay? of course, the label that ruffled my feathers read “all American burger.” well, excuse me, but if it’s “all American” it simply has to have meat. not just any meat. red meat. and forgive my candor, but bar-b-q without meat is akin to coitus without, well, you know.

some of these meatless products are "proudly made with organic soy." is there any other kind of soy? that’s hypothetical, by the way, because i really do not want to know. not surprisingly, one company doesn’t even label their patties as chicken – nope, it’s chik’n. is that supposed to be cute? well, at least it's a'soying.

doesn’t it tell you something when these products promise to taste “more like the real thing”? it tells me that all these people really want the REAL thing, hunger for the real thing, desire the real thing. so, why not just eat the real thing? and if you really do not want the real thing, why try so hard to match the flavor and texture of the real thing? if you don't dig on swine, why dig on soy swine? if you ask me, it's like trying to polish poop.

honestly, i don't begrudge a vegan the right to eat all the veggies he wants. it isn't really the anti-meat stance that mightily chaps my hide. no, it's the cloyingly pretentious holier-than-thou attitude so many vegans employ. one vegan company’s slogan reads “wildly tantalizing, yet totally virtuous. just like you.” oh, why not just gag me with a bean curd. once food choices are elevated to the status of religion, things just get freaking weird. now, don’t get me wrong. i understand the schizophrenic relationship we all have with wanting to eat the good stuff without having to kill the pigs and cows. i have a good deal of respect for people who veg for genuinely ethical reasons – as long as they aren’t wearing leather shoes while they eat it. still if truth be told, i think there’s something seriously off beam about eating a meatless meatloaf.

it’s not unlike the bewilderment that fake fur advocates bring. isn’t wearing the fake fur or skin of a dead animal sending the wrong message? if i could, i’d be wearing the real thing. look! fur is pretty, but it’s mean, so i wear fake stuff. i mean, if you’re really anti-fur, why not just jump in the deep end and be truly anti-fur, none of these fake capes for you, nosiree. it should be the same for vegivores. eat all the soy and sprouts and oh heck, whatever else it is that you want to eat, but stop sending your blasted mixed signals by chow’n down on chik’n and eat’n wheat meat.

"the latest plastic surgery craze is virginity restoration. for $2000-5000, surgeons are rebuilding women's hymens... most patients are from cultures that expect brides to be virgins, but some women are having the surgery as a romantic gesture to their partners. 'what an awesome gift to give the man in my life who deserves everthing,' said jeannette yarborough."

don't people see the irony in all of their idiocy? we know that virginity is "an awesome gift to give the man in my life who deserves everthing" and yet we refuse to save it for them. instead, we'll writhe in our carnality and when we're through, we'll make artificial virginity.

it's like the birth control pill that now keeps women from menstruating for up to three or four months, since science has found that women who have fewer periods are generally healthier. forget the wonderful benefits of co-creating a human soul, just pop another pill and pop your head in the sand.

WASHINGTON -- Two more women have died after using the abortion pill RU-486, federal health regulators said Friday, in warning doctors to watch for a rare but deadly infection implicated in earlier deaths.

At least seven U.S. women have died after taking the pill, sold since 2000. . .

Instead of swallowing the final two tablets, the second course of pills was inserted vaginally in the four women, a so-called "off-label" use of the drug that studies show works and is widely recommended by abortion clinics but does not have federal approval. full article here.

what fresh hell is this? did i read this correctly? abortion clinics are actually recommending a more dangerous administration of the pill so that it not only murders the baby but also the mother?

smocktwin update

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no matter how far apart i place them, the boys end up next to or on top of one another.

donovan got caught trying to make his way into the dishwasher.

if you look really hard, you may see davis' first little tooth. donovan's first tooth broke through on the very same day. talk about identical.

happy saint patrick's day

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and, a very happy birthday to my wee glynnis, eight today, who kept me in labor for seven whole days just so she could be born on this special day!

and the winner is . . .

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love yourself a pair here.

LOS ANGELES — February 24, 2006

The Media Data Corporation entertainment auditors have analyzed the content of the 2006 Academy Award Best Picture nominees, citing a 313% increase in tobacco use and a 31% drop in overall profanity use. They have also announced their projected winner for the coveted award, based on statistical analysis of the trends in the content of previous nominees and winners.

i don't have a problem with instances of smoking -- other than the fact that, if well done, it makes me want to smoke -- and cannot figure out why smoking is tabulated but alcohol consumption isn't. regardless, if you want to see the tabulated data, visit FAMILYMEDIAGUIDE.COM.

i find it amusing that capote, a movie about the author of in cold blood, arguably the first "true crime" novel detailing the brutal and senseless murder of a kansas family, is the least offensive of our best picture nominees. it also happens to be the only of the movies up for best picture that i have actually seen. it will not win, but seymour-hoffman should if, and only if, hotquin phoenix doesn't win for his brilliant portrayal of hello, i'm johnny cash in walk the line. can rest assured that the people behind you at the red light will kindly honk a wake-up call when the light turns green.

...people aren't afraid to point and giggle at you for snoring during the homily. may decide that "meditation" is easier than "prayer" for now. hindsight, a t.v.-free lent looks a heckuvalot less ambitious than initially thought.

slow goin' - prayers needed

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it'll be slim pickins an slow goin' around her for a spell. it seems that when it rains, it pours.

mamaT's beautiful mother recently had to have emergency surgery for her hip. she is facing unusual challenges in her rehabilitation, so feel free to send up as much prayer as you can for her.

our beloved papaHawk had an emergency room scare, and while he's been released, prayer would be nice.

donovan, the baby smocktwin, had a visit to the emergency room night before last and had to have a "procedure" done on his itty bitty toe. he seems to be doing fine, but the toe looks kinda yucky. prayers for healing will be much appreciated.

it just dawned on me that it's ash wednesday. it looks like this'll be one of those lenten seasons. praise the Lord.



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