smockmomma: February 2005 Archives

what a delicious turn of phrase

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"...though like cream filling they serve the palate more than the gullet."

TSO, Why's My Bookbag So Heavy?

email judge greer on TERRI'S behalf

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via the American Family Association website.

a copy of the email i sent:

Dear Judge Greer,

Common decency dictates that Terri's mother and father should be allowed to take her home and care for her. Please don't sentence her to a slow, agonizing death by starvation. If the city pound were to announce tomorrow that they were going to "euthanize" all of their dogs by starvation, America would take notice! Why is it any less for a human being?


did i really just say that?

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i have some webwork that i absolutely have to get done this morning, so i turned on the boob tube hoping it would babysit the girls for about half an hour. no such luck. they opted to dance around the house in parade fashion.
becoming flustered i groaned, "can't you just calm down and watch TV?"

1. What is the happiest memory of your girlhood? as memory serves, my girlhood pretty much sucked, but the day my third grade teacher, mrs. ewing, presented me with the "most loving" award was pretty cool. i asked her if i could go home with her and she just laughed this beautiful laugh. i wonder to this day if she had any idea that my request was sincere.

2. Do you really think that green vegetables (other than Caesar salad) will kill you? yes'm.

3. How different from your "real" self do you think your Smockmomma blog persona is? i hope i'm nicer and more optimistic in real life ... but i doubt i am. Would most people be surprised if they met you in person? i don't think so.

4. Do you have a Scriptural "life verse"? If so, what is it and why? the 91st psalm, which i memorized while in college, is my life verse because fear has always been my weakness. i'm terribly fearful of so blasted much and i'm convinced that my cynicism and pessimism stem from that fear. according to saint ignatius, it's the cause of my "root sin" which is anger. this is the verse i always fall back on to get me through the next five minutes...and the next, and the next...
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

5. What's your all time favorite book? And PLEASE don't say that awful Love Among the Cannibals book. you've got to be kidding; i can't narrow it down to only one. do plays count? howabout i just tell you that my favorite genre is fiction?

hormonal observation #5

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some people get highly offended when you hold up the contraception mirror to their faces. the topic can make for very uncomfortable dinner conversation, too.

everyone seems pretty free 'n easy with the ol' "was it planned?" question upon learning of our pregnancy. and while "is that really ANY of your business?" is what i truly want to yell, it doesn't sound very ecumenical.

as you've read before my immediate reply is usually, "yes, we were having sex," because it can, said with the appropriate nonchalance, be laughed off. but when i am asked by people that i either don't know well enough or know just enough, i've tried to modify my answer. i don't know why, but the question still throws me for a loop, and my replies can be knee-jerks, so i try to have a prepared response.

at first i was saying "well, we don't contracept" as if it really was any of their business in the first place. one woman accused me of saying the word "contracept" as if it were a four-letter word. another asked why i was using a noun as a verb. touchy-touchy, see?

i tried to modify and say "we don't use contraception." more often than not this is a foreign concept and they say something like, "what do you mean?" with a brow as wrinkled as if you've just shown them a picture of a flat planet earth.

of course, if you move any further into this discussion they get very defensive and things can get ugly very quickly, "are you saying there's something wrong with being responsible about family size?" no, that's not confrontational now is it?

replying, "well, we're open to life" brings on immediate snears and an uncomfortably loud "what's THAT supposed to mean? we have to have TWENTY kids to be HOLY like you?" is it really such a no-win situation?

one friend advised that i just reply "yes, they were ALL planned" and leave it at that. sounds reasonable enough, but i must have a sadistic streak because a saccharine response like "i simply don't think children should be avoided like a disease" just sort of falls out of my mouth. though i don't recommend it, actually, that one buys enough time to excuse yourself from the conversation completely.

i have found that, said politley, "why do you ask?" stumps the other pregnant women in ob/gyn offices. but you have to be careful in these situations because they're usually as hormonal as you are and it's wise to tread softly.

this morning i was on the phone with our insurance carrier to set up our coverage on our new vehicle and, somewhere between VIN number and anti-lock brakes, just out of the blue, she asked if the twins were planned.
blinkblink. "what?"
she repeated the question.
i stumbled out "well, uh, yes, we, uh, were having, uh, sex..."
she belted out a hearty, "that's NOT what i mean! did you PLAN to have more?"
how do you get outta that one? d'oh, i felt like an idiot -- it's too early to have this conversation, lady! i finally admitted with a heavy sigh, "i don't know what to tell you."

why is contaception so controversial? why are people so defensive about it? is it because it really is a matter of morality and people know it, even if only on a subconcious level? by the way, respond "we don't contracept/avoid pregnancy" to a self-proclaimed catholic who contracepts and ... ah-hell, katy bar the door!

never say never

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we swore we didn't want a bus, but it's what we pert'near ended up with. many thanks to everyone who offered their advice for an 8 passenger vehicle.

if you're in our neck of the woods, stop by DON DAVIS FORD and ask for mark plummer. i'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that mr. plummer will treat you very well; it seems his specialty is getting large catholic families into affordable vehicles.

we love our '02 ford excursion -- the gas mileage alone makes this a great ride!

finally, a wake up call for public education -- but will it be answered? the smock thinks not.

according to the coverstory of this week's TIME, parents, the wee ones we've experimented on since the in the 60s, are behaving badly.

from the article:

An Iowa high school counselor gets a call from a parent protesting the C her child received on an assignment. "The parent argued every point in the essay," recalls the counselor, who soon realized why the mother was so upset about the grade. "It became apparent that she'd written it."

and later in the article:

When she started teaching 31 years ago, she says, "I could make objective observations about my kids without parents getting offended. But now we handle parents a lot more delicately. We handle children a lot more delicately. They feel good about themselves for no reason. We've given them this cotton-candy sense of self with no basis in reality. We don't emphasize what's best for the greater good of society or even the classroom." [emphasis mine]

no kidding! reasonable people have been pointing this out for years, but because the facts were being heralded mostly by conservatives, liberal school districts discounted them as big ol' bullies and ignored them.

hormonal observations

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even non-catholics have sudden urges to cross themselves when they learn that we're about to have our fifth and sixth children. what's up with that?

it's tougher'n my aunt's fried okra to find a vehicle that seats eight. cars tend to jump from seven to fifteen seats. what's wrong with you people?

homosexual activists have hijacked the rainbow. the "we're here and we're queer" crowd cloaks itself in a rainbow flag ... was using a symbol of God's promise supposed to be provocative?

some people think salmon and caviar are acceptable lenten cuisine. doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of abstinence?

has anyone read

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Sister Lucia has died


according to

"Fatima Visionary Dies at 97

Sister Lucia, the last of the three children to see the Blessed Virgin at Fatima in 1917, died Sunday at her Carmelite convent at Coimbra in central Portugal.

"She had been weak for several weeks and had not left her cell," Coimbra Bishop Albino Cleto told the Church's Radio Renascenca, according to Reuters."

continue reading

up to my eyeballs

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in girl scout cookies. do you think it was all part of the evil one's grand scheme to have girl scout cookie deliveries coincide with lent? and who's brilliant idea was it to have only two servings per box of thin mints? i swan!

happy saint valentine's day

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Il Bacio.jpg
try a little PDA today ... even if it miffs the neighbors.

*find this print at

attention USCCB

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"Fiddling with holidays to create three-day weekends institutionalizes disrespect." ~ Florence King

my thanks to TSO for the quote...i've been trying to put my finger on why i so resent the fat-cat american bishops for catering to lazy catholics by fiddling with high and holy days of obligation.

happy birthday

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to our MamaT!

coolmoe, but me thinks not

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according to the Medieval Personality quiz:

You are a Sanguine, with an abundance of blood. Sanguines are characterized by the element of Air, the season of Spring, childhood, the color sunny yellow, and the characteristics of "Hot" and "Moist."

If you were living in the Age of Faith, perfect career choices for you would be artisan, shopkeeper, innkeep, craftsman, seamstress, tailor, brewer, baker, stone mason, weaver, potter, farmer, housewife with a very happy family.

ahhh, i like that "He is very pleasant and willing to oblige. He dispenses his acts of kindness not so coldly as a choleric, not so warmly and touchingly as the melancholic, but at least in such a jovial and pleasant way that they are graciously received. . .He is compassionate whenever a mishap befalls his neighbor and is always ready to cheer him by a friendly remark."

aha! "The virtue of obedience, which is generally considered as difficult, is easy for him." for thought this lenten season: "A bad woman with a sanguine temperament yields herself to sin without restraint and stifles the voice of conscience easily."

~kendra of "freddy and kendra"

i wasn't even addicted to this show, but i watched the last several episodes just to make sure that divine justice would prevail. sadly, it didn't. i don't know about you but it makes me wanna puke that this woman -- and i use the term loosely -- won the amazing race.

never say never

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when asked about how large we'll grow our family, marc and i have often said we'll take as many as the good Lord will give us, "but, we refuse to drive a prison van." no kidding, we have large-fam friends that converted a prison van and we know of another family that eventually gave in and converted an old hotel shuttle bus.

now, with the upcoming birth of baby five and baby six on the horizon, we're car hunting. hubby's car only seats six and my minivan will only hold seven. of course, we're still refusing to buy an old prison van.

so, i did a google search for "eight to ten passenger vehicles" -- now, i know that large families are considered an antiquated notion in today's society, but this is ridiculous!

any advice you an give us in the "motor vehicles for large families" department will be greatly appreciated. our only restriction: no prison vans.

apparently the children have been praying so hard for a baby brother that God has decided to bless them with two. that's right, twins.

the idea of twins is completely foreign to us -- no twins in my family tree, and as marc's adopted, we aren't sure of all of his particular branches, but from what i hear it's the maternal genes that count in this situation, anyway. so it looks as though when that poor perinatologist labeled me AMA, which stands for advanced maternal age (and, seein' as how i'm only thirty-four; believe you me, she got an earful from me on that one), she was actually right.

this pregnancy was labeled "high risk" from the get go due to the fact that my womb has been replaced by saran wrap -- i s'pose that seven pregnancies in ten years kin do that to a gal – so now that there are two wee ones in there vying for space, it’ll be an “higher risk” pregnancy, if that’s the phrase. so any prayers you want to offer will be highly appreciated. pun and wink intended.

the clan is beside itself with joy. of course, gabby at two doesn’t have a clue – aside from laughing and saying, “how you have two baby in dare?” like it was a grand joke, she’s not said much more about it. grace is thrilled that she’ll have someone else to love on; she constantly strokes and pats my belly. glynnis immediately remarked that the playing field would now be even with three boys and three girls … to which duncan replied, “hey, we’ll be like the brady bunch!” thank heavens for tv land.

the first thing marc said was, “i think we need a bigger bed.” it was said with more enthusiasm than roy schieder's “i think we need a bigger boat,” nonetheless it conjured the same image in my mind. i’m just thankful to God that i have a husband that’s actually that in tune with the fact that yes, we’ll still be sharing a family bed even if it means we’ll have to buy a king. frankly, i’m surprised we made it this far with only a queen.

as soon as the novelty of “twins” wore off, the extended fam freaked in a very protestant sort of way. “SIX KIDS! MY GOD IN HEAVEN, SIX KIDS! you can’t afford six kids.” you know the usual protests. my fave was my moms, “you just don’t worry about finances like the rest of us, do you?”

as for me, i haven’t quite processed all the information. i knew i wasn’t coming out of this pregnancy without major surgery, but i must admit that i find the thought of tandem nursing intimidating. i just realized that i’m making a worried face at the screen. seriously. having only recently weaned with our two year old, just thinking about nursing two infants at the same time makes me want to clutch my breasts and shout, “no! they’re mine.” keep in mind that i grow babies large, the last one being a ten pounder, and i’ve always nursed on demand. ruega por nosotros, Nuestra Seńora de Leche y Buen Parto.

but being labeled a "creeping fundamentalist" has got to be the best insult for "orthodox catholic" that i've had the pleasure of reading in a long while. the contempt is palpable. see envoy's blog for the progressive entry in question. mind you, the letter was issued by a "social action department" - a phrase that shoots up a red flag almost as quickly as a "gay/lesbian/transgender outreach" does.

but there are some other categories we could shamelessly plug ourselves for ... and since mamaT is waaaaay too classy to do it, ima doin it.

send in your nominations for the catholic blog awards 2005 .

feast or famine

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apparently my hormones haven't figured out that i'm now in my second trimester because they refuse to give me just a small break. it seems to be feast or famine when it comes to the ol' mood barometer because i'm either terribly weepy or terribly bitchy and neither is a whole heckuva lotta fun right now.

of course, in the interem i've started feeling ridiculously sexy in an "i am earth mother -- doesn't the swell of my belly drive you wild with desire" sort of way. which makes for no small amount of amusement and lots of ooo-yuck they're kissing again's around the smock maison.

pray for his holiness

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according to the latest news, his holiness has been hospitalized.

barbie slutdate, er update


back in february last year, we reported barbie's decision to stop shacking up with ken -- only to move on to more flamboyant territory, blaine, the aussie surfer.

as it turns out, we weren't the only ones disgusted by this move. according to

In an attempt to freshen the image of its iconic doll, toymaker Mattel announces that Barbie has dumped her boyfriend, Ken, after 43 years of anatomically incorrect bliss. The makeover—which also includes a version of the doll with a new car, a darker tan, and an Aussie surfer-dude boyfriend named Blaine—results in critics deriding the doll as "Sleazy Easy Barbie" and, worse, U.S. sales dropping 26 percent in the third quarter.

(this brainfart came in at number 59 on a list of the "101 Dumbest Moments in Business," a review of the most shameful, dishonest, and just plain stupid moments of the past year.)



About this Archive

This page is a archive of recent entries written by smockmomma in February 2005.

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