smockmomma: May 2004 Archives

we here in the smock maison tried MamaT's recipe for chicken enchilada casserole anoche. it. was. de. lish! thanks MamaT!

i'll tell y'all what. i do not like being told "no." i never have and i suppose i never will. yes, a great deal stems from my inordinate sense of self worth and pride, but sometimes rejection hurts just because it hurts. i mean, if you think about it, rejection can insult anybody. whether you have incredibly low self-esteem or an enormously inflated ego, rejection smarts – and sometimes it can smart big-time.

take telemarketers . . . please. no, bad joke, sorry. anyway, take telemarketers for instance. these poor people get so many rejections they have one of the highest turnover rates in the business world. okay, i know some of you may be thinking, yeah? well good. perhaps you’re justified, but i confess i’ve always been nice to telemarketers because my best friend used to be one, so i always see a human face on the other end of the line. it doesn’t mean i won’t use my call blocker so they can never call again, but hey, i’m nice to them. i tell them right up front, sweetie, i’m not gonna buy anything so you’d best save yourself a lot of time and call someone else who might be interested. most of the time they’re very pleasant about it and some of them have actually been grateful. in fact, i even had one young lady say “thank you for being so nice to me” in a quivering voice. it broke my heart, i kid you not.

i’m the same way with people who approach me in stores. i never say “no” without adding a “thank you” and i’d rather walk on my tongue than be ugly about it. c’mon. these are fellow human beings who deserve to be treated with a little dignity, right? well, you’d think that wouldn’t you?

as y’all know i just started selling avon. well, let me tell you something, with the way some people act you’d think i was peddling dope. today, one woman cringed when i showed her a brochure; yes. she actually cringed like i was trying to hand her a poopy diaper instead of a little avon brochure. i offered another female a brochure and she sneered, “i don’t need any of that.” i swear i thought she was gonna pimp-slap me.

what’s going on here? i’m not even pushy about it. sure, i have an outgoing personality – i like the term gregarious and even consider it a compliment, but i’m not pushy about selling. you say, “no thank you” and i’m outta there. sure the “no” stings a bit (that’s a given when a person’s already feeling vulnerable), but when the “no” is at least civil, it’s much easier to try to not take it personally and go on my merry way. however, you treat me like a walking hemorrhoid and my feelings get hurt.

Abortion is a non-negotiable issue. It is a mortal sin to support legalized abortion and no Catholic should vote for any political candidate who does so. With this grave moral issue at hand, the consequences of your vote in the upcoming election go far beyond mere tax or ecomonic ramifications.

this site was started by a "virtual" aquaintance of mine whom i met online about three years ago -- he also started and maintains the site dedicated to my precious Saint Gemma that i've written about before.

anyway, i hope some of our catholic fringe...er, friends will visit this site and take heed.

for April, a mother of three boys (7, 4, 2), who just found out she has what the doctors are calling "two growths" on her brain. she sees a neurologist tomorrow.

UPDATE: the doctor believes the "growths" are cysts and is more concerned about a lump he found on April's thyroid gland. thank you for continued prayers.

yes, indeedy!

smockmomma is an official AVON lady. no, really? yes, really. and the best thing is you can order online. oh, yes you can!

and just so y'all know, i do hereby solemnly swear to never smack any of our readers upside the head with a brochure. i'll just ask you to visit my avon site if you're interested in AVON stuff. and to prove my "no pressure" policy, i'm not even posting the web address. iffin you're interested, or your wife or mama or cousin or sister or hubby or whomever is interested, just email the smockmomma and she'll get you there.

somebody should figure out how to put this in a quiz...till then:

the difference between MamaT's personality and mine are neatly represented by the bumper stickers on our cars. both are Mother Teresa quotes, but the tone of each is a little diff'ernt. and it's that tone that represents the sugar and spice difference in our personalities.

MamaT's

smockmomma's

by the by, both of these bumper stickers are available at www.victorywon.com, so go getchya one.*

*the summa mamas receive no royalties from the sale of victory won merchandise, we just like their stuff.

this totally coolmoe tee is from ChristianShirts.net.
they musta had the summa mamas in mind when they made it, dontcha think? they have Christian and pro-life stuff for Yankees, too, so go buy somethin!

BUON COMPLEANNO, PAPA!

and, it's the smockmomma's momma's 55th birthday today, too!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAMASITA BONITA!

my simple store brand has renamed my absolute favorite flavor of ice cream! when i say favorite, i mean favorite. why, i even listed it as the flavor i would personally like to be. this is serious stuff, people! safeway's select brand "plantation pecan pie" has actually been renamed "sweet savannah pecan pie." what gives?

mebbe i should switch to star spangled ice cream's "prale to the chief" flavor. sounds delish.

click to visit their site.

i'm not a humble person by nature, in fact, i'm mucho prideful. perhaps this is why Our Good Lord has to constantly zap me in the b'doobies to keep me in line. but, even when He has to zap, He is so merciful. to put it mildly, i'm a bad girl and He's a really good Dad.

i was arguing with KM, that's the hub, last week about adversity. i think i'd moved a little too far into my "Jesus is my barbeque homey" mode because i was arguing against adversity coming from God. it went something like this:

SM: (already in nyah-nyah mode) "God is good. He can't cause bad."
KM: (matter-of-factly) "Tell that to Job. And David. And Saul..."
SM: "but God is good."
KM: (sighs) "You're assuming all adversity is bad."
SM: (with bravado) "but this is bad. if God loves us..."
KM: (having had enough of the argument) "this is how God teaches people. we love our children, but we discipline our children. they don't see it as good, but we know it is. God uses adversity to teach His children."

God's timing being what it is, i.e., perfect, Father C told a story today about a sort of "Jesus is my homey" priest who went to a high school and said, "if you want to know about God, forget everything you've ever learned because i can sum everything up in three simple words: God is love." one of the students raised his hand and inquired, "do you mean God is eros, philia, or agape?"

i'd like to blame my charismatic, pre-Catholic roots for my careless tendency to skip, er make that slip into kumbayaya land where Jesus is ultra touchy-feely and we're all free to be you and me, but i'll wager it's just my sinful nature.

looks like the anglican church is bending over backwards to keep itself together. they'll be a pretzel soon.

my question is, do they really think a written constitution is going to fix this gay mess they've gotten themselves into? what would the constitution say exactly? please don't leave?

(the archbishop of canterbury) dr rowan williams said that Christians who faced conflict had to try to see the position from the point of view of their enemies. which enemy would that be, dr williams?

according to williams, "we have to let the fear and suspicion that another is going through be felt in our own hearts and minds."

is that what Christ meant when He told us, "peace i leave with you, my peace i give to you; not as the world gives do i give to you. let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid"? [jn.14.27] ohhh. i didn't realize that He was the author of confussion. oh, wait! "God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints." [1cor.14.33]

those silly anglicans, they keep struggling for unity. you want real unity, folks? dive in!

thanks to mr. cacciaguida for the link.

You're an Angst writer!


What kind of writer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

gracias, senora vonhuben, the dialogue writer.

keeping up with st. blog's recent ick factor, i present to you the new low-fat, high-pro, no carb diet.

to popcorn critics where smockmomma encourages you to REMEMBER THE ALAMO!

i recently admitted that "i am ouiser boudreaux" and one of our readers inquired. in response, i'm elaborating a bit. ouiser (pronounced "weezer") boudreaux is the cantankerous character played by shirley maclaine in the definitive southern chick flick, steel magnolias. the most amazing thing about this definitive chick flick (and what drew me to the movie in the first place) is that it was written by a man.
steel magnolias was first a play, based loosely on events in the life of robert harling and the community of natchitoches, louisiana. harding wrote the play as a form of therapy after his sister died of complications of diabetes. the play was a huge success off-broadway. harling was then asked to write the screenplay. the movie was an instant blockbuster, owing in no small part to the incredibly talented all-star cast which included sally field, dolly parton, and virtual newcomer julia roberts who, at post-production of steel magnolias, was still promoting the opening of mystic pizza. harling, who graduated from law school at tulane university, has enjoyed fair success in hollywood as a screenwriter ever since.
anyway, back to ouiser…the most famous ouiser-isms are “i'm not crazy, m’lynn, i've just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years" and “the only reason people are nice to me is because i have more money than God.” one of my favorites is: "i do not see plays, because i can nap at home for free. and i don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! and i don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries."
but here is the list of ouiserisms that, if you spend any time at all with me, you’ll hear me quote:

a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
this is it. i have found it. i'm in hell.
you are evil, and you must be destroyed.
i'm not as sweet as i use t'be.
you are a pig from hell!
i can’t seem to get enough grease into muh dite.
[caveat: obscenity to follow]
i'm pleasant. dammit, i'm pleasant! why, i saw drum eatenton at the piggly wiggly this morning, and i smiled at the sonuvabitch a'for i could help m’self.

GK (4yo.) and GR (18mo.) come into the office where smockmomma is listening to bach's toccata & fugue in d minor.
GK: this sounds like barbie.
SM: barbie?
GK: yeah, rapunzel barbie.
SM: hmm. well, this is bach. he's much better than barbie.
GK: but, rapunzel bach sounds much scarier than rapunzel barbie.

and later...
as smockmomma reads aloud the texas ballet theater flier that came in the mail to her hubby.
SM: peer gynt is a larger-than-life hero who makes a riveting journey from innocence to depravity ... he's a womanizer and he doesn't really care about anyone but himself ... hey, baby, that's you.
SH: what?
SM: well, in college. c'mon. you were peer gynt. admit it.
SH: i will not.
SM: listen to this, "peer gynt is not nice; but at the same time, there is something undeniably appealing about him..."
SH: now, that's me.

smockmomma's is updated weekly.

19. i was baptized in the Spirit when i was seven years old.
18. i was baptized in water when i was twenty-one.
17. i have a soft spot for LDS but not for JW; the blank stare wigs me out.
16. i have a tender heart towards people struggling with same-sex attractions.
15. but, i don’t have patience for people who bring 16 items into an express lane.
14. i’m anti-tattoo. i don’t care how many mommies have them, they’re tacky.
13. i don’t read as much as i want to read.
12. i have an obsessive/compulsive personality. i prefer to be called capricious.
11. i’m also bold and sassy. yes, more synonyms, but for what?
10. i confess, i read the nanny diaries (kraus & mclaughlin). i laughed my fanny off and i cried.
9. while in college, i worked as a nanny. i laughed my fanny off and i cried.
8. i'm married to an honest to goodness musician who does not appreciate my taste in music.
7. prolly cuz i enjoy show tunes, lounge music, techno-trance & disco.
6. i've always worn lots of black. i'm starting to enjoy colors.
5. i actually enjoy frequenting the Sacrament of Confession.
4. heaven help us all, i am "ouiser boudreaux."
3. i fear the pains of hell, but i'm frighteningly unscrupulous.
2. i'm drawn to mystical theology, but i'm not even in the courtyard of The Interior Castle.
1. which is why i'm so grateful Our Lord is patient and has a beautiful sense of humor.

from the catholic league. short and to the point. good read.

caveat coqae - i only cook comfort foods for finicky eaters, not restricted diets.

chick'n chubby dumplins

4 chicken breasts cut up in small strips or chunks or however you like 'em
2 cans cream o' chicken soup
2 cups water***
1 chicken bouillon cube for kick***
2 packages refrigerated biscuits (or as we say downchere "biskits")
pepper to taste

put everthin, 'cept the biskits o'course, in yer crock-pot. cook it on low for 5-6 hours. about half an hour afor y'all're ready to eat, tear up the biskit dough into chunky pieces (about an inch). stir it into your cooker with the other stuff, cover it up 'n cook on HIGH for 30 minutes or until your biscuits are fluffed up and cooked inside, too. you don't want soggy biscuits, bleck!
*** iffin you aren't worried about a high sodium diet, you can use two cups of chicken broth instead of the water and bouillon.

dern good pork roast
3 lb. pork roast (one that looks good, read plenty of fat left for flavor)
butter flavor Pam
garlic salt
lemon pepper
1/4 stick of butter
1 and 1/2 cups water

sear the dickens outta all sides of the roast in a frying pan covered in butter flavor Pam, garlic salt and lemon pepper. in fact, spray the roast with Pam before rubbing the salt/pepper into it. then, lift the roast outta the pan and put it into your crock-pot. quickly, before the pan cools, pour one cup of the water into the pan so that it sizzles up the natural juices and quickly remove from heat. you don't want the good stuff to evaporate. pour it in with your roast and cook on low for about seven or eight hours. add a little water if you need it. about ten minutes afor y'all're ready to eat, put the butter in with the roast.
this is delicious served with those fat wavy noodles.

fancy italian chicken thing
5 or 6 chicken breasts
1 jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce (the more chunky stuff in the sauce, the fancier it'll look)

dump it all in the slow cooker for about 5 hours. if you want, you can add a bag of shredded parmesan cheese (i think it's two cups) about half an hour afor y'all're ready to eat. serve it with your favorite pasta on the side and it's a fancy italian dish.

miss knapp, from the anchor hold, has wonderful advice for "maximal catholic living" (seemingly directed towards the catholic lightweight). as she points out, yeah, they're real catholics, too. something i sadly need to be reminded of more often than i'd like to admit.

miss knapp's post is humbling, smart and realistic. it's a must read.

39. i’m a mediocre chef, but i am the queen of crock-pot cooking.
38. i call my guardian angel by name.
37. i named my angel “barnarbas” after saint barnabas, whose name means “son of encouragement,” because i typically need all of the encouragement i can get.
36. i speak to think. yes, i am aware that this order is backwards.
35. i also tend to speak in thoughts. if you aren’t a mind reader, you might get lost in the translation.
34. i feel masculine and ornery whenever i wear jeans.
33. i rarely wear jeans.
32. i once caved in to road rage when a kid cut me off in traffic.
31. i followed the punk home and got the info off his mom’s car. i took it to the police and filed an official report.
30. i’m the sort who can get lost in a mall parking lot without detailed directions.
29. but, if i’ve driven to a destination once, i won’t ever forget how to get there.
28. i think people who ride motorcycles without helmets are stupid and selfish.
27. my brother died because he wasn’t wearing a helmet.
26. no matter how hard i try not to, i believe sports cars are entirely phallic.
25. i learned how to drive in my dad’s el camino. remember those?
24. i’m a defensive driver.
23. i’m the one driver who will let you onto the freeway.
22. by the grace of God, i survived a car accident that all reason said i shouldn’t have.
21. i’ve been living on borrowed time since october 19th 1989.
20. i’m glad.

Ms. Goodman [ellengoodman@globe.com]:

In your piece, Not Just a March on Washington, you write: "From time to time, we would sigh to each other about how Gen X and Gen Y took [legalized abortion] all for granted. "

As a thirty-three year old survivor of the pro-abortion mentality, I take nothing for granted. Especially my own life and the life of my children. And yes, I will march. I will march for the unborn women you would have murdered in the womb.

You also write: "I've had a fantasy about my generation as the last brigade parading for reproductive rights . "

Believe me, the women of this new generation have the same fantasy. We fantasize that the graying, bitter feminists of yesteryear will indeed be the last brigade parading around for so-called reproductive rights.

The new generation looks forward to the day when ALL women, born and unborn, are safe.

Sincerely,
Micki ____
D/FW, TX

origianl post, jes' killed a nigger, via mr. white at summa minutiae.

59. i like quirky people, especially those with chutzpah.
58. i think i'm quirky, but i know i'm snarky (see #80).
57. i live for my children. and, it's the right thing to do.
56. according to the ignatian spiritual exercises, my deadliest sin is anger.
55. i don't shop at malls because i don't like crowds.
54. i grew up an only child.
53. i don't trust liars, politicians or “progressive” catholics. there is no punch line, that's just how it is.
52. esther and job are my favorite OT characters.
51. i’m always on the look-out for the perfect cheap pen.
50. i prefer clicky tops to twisty bottoms.
49. it amuses me that europeans call americans fascist, when europe is the true breeding ground for dictatorships and totalitarian regimes.
48. i like playing solitaire.
47. i hope to be a model of elegance and civility someday. i’ve got a long way to go.
46. my favorite toothpaste is crest for kids. i also like crest citrus breeze (orange, for grown-ups).
45. i’m a kid at heart.
44. this explains the immaturity.
43. some people think i’m smart.
42. this makes me feel like an imposter.
41. i’m a cynic. i think people who call themselves “realists” are living in denial.
40. i pray in the shower -- the water reminds me of new life, baptism, the Holy Spirit.

for smockmomma's review of robert de niro's latest flick, GODSEND.

79. i'm grateful for women like MamaT and SpecialK because they've allowed me to enjoy women again.
78. i'm not as kinky as i sound.
77. i don't like urban music.
76. actually, i don't think i like urban anything.
75. i'm an elitist, in the purist sense of the word.
74. i'm also a purist. only, not when it comes to language. i haven't figured out why, yet.
73. i'm practically a monarchist.
72. labels don't bother me. i find them quite useful.
71. i can curse like a sailor, but i'm working to stop that.
70. i smoked for eighteen years. mmmm-menthol.
69. i was a protestant for twenty-five.
68. the Holy Spirit delivered me from both.
67. my favorite color is buttercup.
66. i really enjoy movies, especially the old ones.
65. independent films are my fave.
64. I think jim caviezel is Momma Mary’s gift to women.
63. i know mel gibson is God's gift to the movie industry.
62. i don't trust people who take themselves too seriously.
61. i believe in hell.
60. i think it's full of abortionists.

while the summa mamas are unbeleaguered by such nonsense, this cause is still a worthy undertaking. please consider joining the Society for a Moratorium on the Music of Marty Haugen and David Haas. you will see many familar names on their roster of members.

link via the whys guy.